Saturday, January 01, 2005

The Joy of Daughters

My daughter goes to a babysitter during the day. Together with some unknown amount of children, she runs around, gets dirty, ends up with sticky things in her hair, and comes home telling us how much fun she had pushing Chaviva down.

She was a bit constipated, though, the last time we sent her to the babysitter, and as I picked up my duaghter, the babysitter told me she needed some "Tushie Medicine" to help clear things up.

We get home, and my daughter wants to make on the toilet, a startling develoment, considering how unsuccessful toilet training has been so far. After she went, she decided she did not want to wear a diaper anymore, and so we let her walk around bare-bottomed for a little while so she would feel more comfortable making on the toilet.

After a few minutes, she said she had to use the bathroom again, so I picked her up, carried her to the bathroom, and sat her down on the toilet. She made a small "stinky" on the toilet, and said she needed tushie medicine.

When my oldest was a baby, we began putting candy into a medicine bottle, and when he would ask for medicine that we didn't think was warrented, we would give him a piece of candy from the bottle. He would feel better, and we were secure in the knowledge that we were not over-drugging our child. However, this medicine, which wqe had labeled Placebo, was long gone.

I foraged through the pantry, and found some Pez that could pass as medicine. After wiping my daughter, I brought her back to the kitchen, washed my hands, and gave her a Pez medicine. Then I left the room, my role as Dad completed.

I should mention that my daughter was still bare-bottomed.

A few minutes later, I heard my wife scream from the kitchen. I ran into the room, to find my wife trying to decide whether to fall on the floor laughing, or mete out some type of correctional action.

My duaghter had taken the Pez, and tried to put the "Tushie Medicine" into her tush. When my wife saw what she was doing she called to her to stop, but my daughter simply took the pez, and tried to put it in her vagina.

She then lifted it up, and seemed to be ready to eat the Pez, when I swooped it, grabbed it away, and tossed it in the trash.

Which of course, led to more screaming, more laughing, and a quick diaper to protect my daughter's orifices from her self.