Monday, May 16, 2005

Can Your Momma Dance

11th grade. A new school in Toronto. At least, new for me. Ner Israel has been in Toronto for decades, although it has recently begun a move to the far right, a move, it turns out, that means had I applied there in 2005, I, along with the majority of my classmates, would not have been accepted. But that seismic shift is years away. Today, the Yeshiva is at the beginning of its right wing revolution. Over the 12 months, suede kippas have been banned, as have polo shirts and t-shirts with words on them.

My Rebbi’s name is Rabbi Feivishevitz. It takes almost two weeks before I discover his name is not Rabbi Feivel Shevitz. He is balding, with a reddish beard. He speaks with an accent, as if English is not his first language, as if he is from the shtetl and every R is rolled and every W turns into a V and there are lots of gutteral sounds emerging in words that should not a CH sound, as if he was not born in North America.

The dining room at his house has been decorated by his wife. In one corner stands summer-type objects, including a tree with leaves. The opposite corner contains a bare tree, and other wintry items. When one student in the class mentions this dichotomy, it is his wife who shouts from the next from, “that’s the point.”

There are still a few months before Rabbi Feivishevitz and I will have our falling out. That day when he walked over to me out of the blue and told me I am no longer in his shiur will come in February, but today, he is focusing his attention on a classmate. On this day, his attention is on Dudi. Sitting in shiur, not bothering anyone, Dudi is engrossed in a drawing that he is creating. Rabbi Feivishevitz stands up, and grabs the paper away from Dudi. He sits down, and looks at it for a moment.

Then he reads the caption running across the page. “Your momma can’t dance, and your daddy don’t rock and roll.” The rabbi pauses for a second, before adding “Vat a deprived child.”

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hah! I forgot about that one! I still remember that drawing too. If only you had a way to convey the nasal voice together with the accent.

May 16, 2005 11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know whether to bask in the limelight or cringe in the memory.

May 16, 2005 12:01 PM  
Blogger Air Time said...

I thought I was going to fail a test, so I wrote my own questions on the back of the test and answered them, just to show that I was paying some attention.

He thought I was a mechutzaf, walked up to me out of the blue and started to yell that I was out of his shuir and would never be allowed back in.

I think JFK agreed with me, and negotiated with the rabbi that I be suspended for a few days and go to Detroit, and when I came back I was let back in the shuir.

What did you get kicked out for?

May 16, 2005 1:04 PM  
Blogger and so it shall be... said...

Kicked out of shiur stories....my favorite.

When i was in twelfth grade, I use dto sleep all day, really. From 9 a.m. till recess, then till lunch, then untill mincha. I'd only wake up to go to the bathroom. My rebbe and I had an understanding. I'd sleep and he'd ignore me.

Once, for some reason, I was awake to take a test. I don't recall the circumstances, but for some reason, the questions were given out before hand and we had to memorize and regurgitate.

It was a given that even with the quesitons beforehand, I was clueless. I wonder if I even had a current gemarah. If i recall, i used keep a large volume yoreh deiea on my desk all day. I was the right size.

Anyway, as a joke, a taped a worksheet with all the answers filled in onto the wall right next to my desk. It was so blatant, it couldn't be anything but a joke.

Adding to the goof, I made this huge play the whole test of elaborately referring to the worksheet and writing the answers on my test. i wasn't even going to hand it in. I didn't need to cheat. I was barey a member of the class.

Yet, my rebbe noticed my dramatic play at some point and threw me out of the class...for...CHEATING.

Gasp. I may have been an oisvorf, but i wasn't cheating. I flet terrible. so I went outside, broke into my rebbe's car. and put a note on his steering wheel saying that I was sorry. He never mentioned getting it.

May 16, 2005 1:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was a great idea about making up your own questions, to show you were paying attention.

If you were my son, I'd be very proud of you.

Not Chutzpadik at all, if you ask me.

May 16, 2005 1:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

P.S. Glad I opened this Pandoras Box

May 16, 2005 1:40 PM  
Blogger Air Time said...

I'm sure you'll be reading about yourself one of these days.

As for the five day suspension, my patents didn't understand why I suspended, the menahal didn't nuderstand why and I don't think the rosh yeshiva really got it either, so the five days at home were a nice vacation.

May 16, 2005 1:49 PM  
Blogger Just Passing Through said...

Born Abroad: I have an ode to you too. Check it out http://onlypassingthrough.blogspot.com/

May 16, 2005 4:07 PM  
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