On Schools and things
My children attend Akiva Hebrew Day School, a coed zionist-oriented school. We had two other options when choosing a school, the Yeshiva Beth Yehuda and Darchai Torah, neither of which appealed to us for a number of reasons. In the spirit of disclosure, I should add my wife teaches at Akiva.
As you might imagine, it is much more socially acceptable in our community to send children to one of the other two schools. Still, we based our decision on what we felt was best for our kids.
There are a few kids who switch schools every year. But it is rare that someone comes from Beth Yehudah to Akiva. (Beth Yehudah is the school that has been around for about 75 years. While it is not considered the really frum school, it has made significant moves to the right over the past few years, including separating boys and girls in nursery.)
Last night, at the Yom Haatzmaut party my wife and I were talking to the mother of two kids who made the switch from Beth Yehudah to Akiva. She was so excited about attending a Yom Haatzmaut event, something that would have been completely socially unacceptable with her children in Beth Yehudah.
I have talked to other parents, friends of mine, who switched their kids from Akiva's nursery program to Beth Yehudah/Bais Yaakov. They know they are sacrificing their children's education by sending their kids to Beth Yehudah. Still, they don't want to deal with any stigma from sending their kids to a mixed school, even one with a superior education.
Because what will the neighbors say.
As you might imagine, it is much more socially acceptable in our community to send children to one of the other two schools. Still, we based our decision on what we felt was best for our kids.
There are a few kids who switch schools every year. But it is rare that someone comes from Beth Yehudah to Akiva. (Beth Yehudah is the school that has been around for about 75 years. While it is not considered the really frum school, it has made significant moves to the right over the past few years, including separating boys and girls in nursery.)
Last night, at the Yom Haatzmaut party my wife and I were talking to the mother of two kids who made the switch from Beth Yehudah to Akiva. She was so excited about attending a Yom Haatzmaut event, something that would have been completely socially unacceptable with her children in Beth Yehudah.
I have talked to other parents, friends of mine, who switched their kids from Akiva's nursery program to Beth Yehudah/Bais Yaakov. They know they are sacrificing their children's education by sending their kids to Beth Yehudah. Still, they don't want to deal with any stigma from sending their kids to a mixed school, even one with a superior education.
Because what will the neighbors say.
posted by Air Time at 10:44 AM
10 Comments:
You know, I remember when my parents finally put their foot done and decided to take us out of Yeshiva/Beit Yaakov and put us in Akiva. They were sick of us getting in trouble for asking questions and parents and/or teachers calling up to hear that one of our kids had done something "bad". My mom couldn't believe that Rechilut and Lashon Harah was more important in those schoolds than education, respect, and Mitzvot Bein Adom L'Chavero.
Sure enough, after we were taken out, my mom was stopped IN THE MIDDLE OF STREET on more than one occasion. People would say that by putting us in Akiva, we were going to go off the derech, become Apichorases, and basically burn in hell. Basically, my mom told them that they should pay more attention to what was going on with their kids, and let her worry about her own. Living in Oak Park, right by the Yeshiva Gedolah, the stigma that went along with going to Akiva really never went away. But, you know what, we ignored it, got a good education, and, OH MY GOODNESS: We're all still shomer shabbat, still shomer kashrut, and still very much observant. I'm sure in their eyes, it's a great Nes from above rather than Akiva's credit to give a decent Modern Orthodox/Zionist education.
What would the neighbors say if they admitted they were wrong?!?
The neighbors, of course, would say it was their influence that kept you on the derech.
Yeah right, if their influence had anything to do with it, I would be a pot smoking shiksa by now and married to a goy...similar to a fate experienced by a neigbor of mine...
the anger is palpable.
surely akiva has serious religious faults? and surely these include godwise and peoplewise.
its a shocking move, going from by to akiva, so people ask about it.
and i think that not eveyone in by marries a shixa.
and i am relatively confident that, as a rule, by kids are more observant than akiva kids. just take davening, for example.
OK, take davening for example? What's the example?
I was required to be in Akiva at 7:30 ever morning for Shacharit, and in there every afternoon for Mincha. So, what's the example?
I do not consider being more religious some-one who has all the artificial and superficial trappings of a "frum" person. Oh, I wear a black hat, so I must be more religious than some-one who doesn't. I cover my elbows, wear skirts until my ankle, and only wear socks or tights. I'm definitely more religious than a girl who wears pants. That's not religious. That's superficial ignorance. When you get sent to the principal's office for asking a questions during Chumash class, that school has a problem. Akiva has its fault. No doubt about that. But, at least I was allowed and encouraged to ask questions. I was encouraged to THINK FOR MYSELF. BY practically suspended me for it. That's not more religious, in my book. That's ignorance.
Also, people did not ASK about why my parents took us out of BY, they flat out said that we going to go off the Derech b/c of what they did. Some of my best friends from BY weren't allowed to talk to me b/c I transferred to Akiva b/c their parents though I would "corrupt" them or something. I was 11 for crying out loud. Later on, I became best friends w/ a group of BY girls from my grade and the one above it. They also expressed my feelings. And, we all knew what BY and YG boys were doing behind closed doors. That was not being more religious. At least, us Akiva kids had nothing to hide. We hung out with members of the opposite sex, and there was nothing wrong with it. We weren't doing drugs or anything extreme. B/c we were able to express ourselves and didn't have to hide anything, the BY and YG went far more extreme than we did. But, were they chastised for it? No, b/c their superficial appearances gave all the illusion that they must be more religious than us Goyish Akiva kids. Let's see...what was the worst I had it? Oh yes, I was called a whore by one of the community's mother b/c I had guy friends. How did she find out when she knew nothing about me? Oh, that's right, the rechilut grape-vine had no problem telling her.
I didn't say that BY would have made me into a shiksa. I said the community would have, since AT's whole piece is about people being afraid of putting their kids into Akiva b/c of what the community might say.
Your confidence screams of ignorance. I would be careful and look around b4 you go ahead and make statements like that.
I will grant you that BY students at YIOP take davening more seriously than Akiva students. Spend ten minutes at YIOP on Shabbos morning and you can see that. But I would also tell you that if you spend time at some of the more yeshivish minyanim in town you will find plenty of boys hanging out in the halls instead of sitting in shul.
I will also grant you that Akiva is far from perfect.
BY kids are more observant? Not really sure I believe that, although BY would not accept many of the kids that Akiva accepts.
AT, the reason that BY would not accept some the kids that Akiva does is b/c of the limit of Jewish schools in Detroit. Meaning, there are some families that aren't religious, and their kids aren't religious, but they want to send their kids to a Jewish school to get a Jewish education. Well, they don't have any options. Either, it's Akiva or public school. Akiva needs all the people they can get, and I think they realize that maybe they can have an effect on these kids. If not, as long as they abide by the rules in school, Akiva (unlike BY or YG) realizes that they're not the Gestapo, and it's not up them to dictate and monitor what the kids do off of school property.
Two things.
A) I don't have a problem with kids who are not frum going to Akiva. It makes it a little more complicated with birthday parties, but other than that, it is nt a major issue
B) Non-religious families have the Hillel option, if they should choose it. From what I understand, though, Akiva is more willing to accomodate lower-income families with tuition breaks and things like that.
A
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