Thursday, August 31, 2006

Jameel asked me not to

Its true. I was IMing with Jameel the evening of the Azrielli Mall incident, and I told him the story. He asked me not to tell the story, but Jameel and I have different blog agendas. He wants to encourage the masses to make Aliyah; I only want to tell interesting stories that happen.

I tried to write this story a few days ago, and as I went to publish I lost my internet connection and the story was eaten by blogger. So this is attempt #2.

Here goes.

For those who don't know, the Azrielli mall is the center building of three buildings that make up the Azrielli Center. The tall office buildings are a familiar part of the Tel Aviv skyline, and between them lies the 3 story mall. There are two or three floors of stores in the mall, and on the roof, there is a large children's play area. The play area is filled with riding toys, climbing and jumping toys, and while I was at an interview a few blocks away, Veev and the kids were spending time in the play area. In addition to the climbing toys, there is a wet area, where kids can go down a water slide, splash in a small pool, or play in a few other wet play areas.

I need to say here that there is a lot of kid nudity going on at this play area. Parents bring bathing suits for their small children, and they change them right in the middle of the play area. I would guess that the oldest naked kid we saw was probably around 8 or 9, but the oldest kid looked a little retarded (with apologies to anyone who reads this with retarded children).

We spent a few hours in the mall, going to the play area in the morning, when I was not there, and then after lunch. Lunch, by the way, was a pleasant surprise, as almost the entire food court was Kosher.

Veev had Chinese, and the rest of us went for Burger King.

But I digress.

We were just about finished with our good time and ready to leave, when my littlest wanted to ride the train one last time. We let her, and stood near the track looking around the area. About fifty feet away, there was a little boy, naked, standing around.

"Is he shitting," I asked Veev.

There was no need for her to answer.

The answer was sitting on the floor between the boy's legs.

And then, he shitted again.

I kid (shit?) you not. And there was no mother in the area.

Well, the naked boy walked around his droppings, looking at them, before his attention went to other things. He did not step in it.

I should say that this entire time, Veev and I were deep in cringe mode.

Anyway, the incident took place next to a Little Tykes yellow track with a riding toy on it, and the kid began to pull a riding toy up on to the top of the track. The toy that he was pulling had no wheels, though, and he struggled mightily. Then, he tried to sit on the car, but after two or three tries he gave up and walked back to his pile.

Once back at the pile, he shat again.

Once.

Twice.

But this time, there were complications. Instead of falling safely to the ground as his previous three missiles had done, this one lingered, and landed on the inside of his leg, which was promptly spread all over his leg as he walked BACK TO A DIFFERENT TOY CAR that had wheels.

Then, he climbed on a car with wheels, and started riding it around.

Finally, a concerned parent, or disgusted patron, called over some staff. Two people came over. The first approached the kid, and asked AyFo Eema Shelcha (Where is your mother) but the kid just laughed and kept on riding the toy.

Meanwhile, a second staffer came by with a broom and dustbin, the same one he had been using all day, and swept the pile from the floor into the dustbin. Then, he dumped the dustbin into a garbage can, located between the tables, right between where people were sitting and eating.

By that time, my littlest's train ride was done, and we exited the play area.

21 Comments:

Blogger Veev said...

Really, I think this could been done with a lot more euphemism.

August 31, 2006 5:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No chickens?

August 31, 2006 5:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Suddenly peeing on a rock doesn't seem so bad.

August 31, 2006 5:21 AM  
Blogger Olah Chadasha said...

That is just very pleasant... I think it's more of a Tel-Aviv thing. They're a lot more liberal and uncaring over there. I don't think you would have ever seen something like that in Jerusalem.
-OC

August 31, 2006 7:08 AM  
Blogger mother in israel said...

Well, I live in the TA area, and I have NEVER seen THAT!!!!! It's true there is a lot more exposed skin though. . .and I do know a lot of people who do the "raising children without diapers" thing but they don't allow what you describe. At least not my friends. I wonder if the staff tried to track down the parents. I hope they weren't obviously religious.

Jameel probably hates my blog--I am now writing some cynical stuff about the start of the school year. Still, I often include valuable information for new olim!!

August 31, 2006 7:53 AM  
Blogger Emah S said...

ugh.........and at the start of that blog post, I was starting to think, wow, sounds like a cool park.

Thanks for the warning and the eye opener that will make me think next time I see cute little naked kids in a play area. My naivity is sometimes dangerous!

August 31, 2006 8:35 AM  
Blogger Rafi G said...

what a story! why would Jameel not want you to post it? It could happen anywhere in the world (yeah right). And why did you not take the hint the first time you tried and your internet connection crashed?

And last but not least, I think the correct word is shat, not shitted.

August 31, 2006 9:00 AM  
Anonymous Still Wonderin' said...

...Still Wonderin' looked in horror at his vomit splattered computer monitor. He had been reading Airtime's latest post when an unexpected torrent of projectile puke exploded into view.

When he opened his eyes the viscous, chunky mix of maize colored bile, morning coffee and sodden, half digested cheese Danish was already disappearing through his computer keys like bath water down a hair-clotted bathtub drain. The putrid liquid simultaneously reappeared as a widening gray circle on his desk.

A single silken string of saliva ran from the drooping left corner of his mouth to his lap, almost seeming af it was dragging his head downward, in jerking, marionette-like motions toward his own soggy lap.

Slowly, he pursed his trembling waxen lips and laboriously formed the words, "Thank you, Airtime. Thanks for sharing."

Mouth still open, frozen in its last consonant, Still Wonderin's glassy eyes rolled violently to the ceiling in the same split second that his body pitched forward, unconscious, splayed across the vomit-coated landscape of his desk.

August 31, 2006 9:48 AM  
Blogger Just Passing Through said...

"And then, he shitted again."

I think correct word here is "shat". I didn't think I;d find this, but here you are:

shit  /ʃɪt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[shit]

noun, verb, shit or shat, shit‧ting, interjection Vulgar.
–noun
1. excrement; feces.
2. an act of defecating; evacuation.
3. the shits. diarrhea.
4. Slang. pretense, lies, exaggeration, or nonsense.
5. Slang. something inferior or worthless.
6. Slang. a selfish, mean, or otherwise contemptible person.
7. Slang. narcotic drugs, esp. heroin or marijuana.
8. Slang. possessions, equipment, mementos, etc.; stuff.
–verb (used without object)
9. to defecate.
–verb (used with object)
10. Slang. to exaggerate or lie to.
–interjection
11. Slang. (used to express disgust, disappointment, frustration, contempt, or the like).
—Idioms
12. give a shit, Slang. to care; be concerned.
13. up shit creek, Slang. in a desperate or hopeless situation; in serious trouble. Also, up shits creek, up shit creek without a paddle.
14. no shit, (used to express amazement, incredulity, or derision).

:-)

August 31, 2006 11:26 AM  
Blogger Just Passing Through said...

oh, and nice comment SW! I don't think you could have put a clearer picture in my head!

August 31, 2006 11:27 AM  
Blogger Noahdaddy said...

I'm sorry. I just vomited a little in my mouth.

August 31, 2006 3:11 PM  
Blogger Air Time said...

shat is the correct past tense of shit. I believe I did say shat later in the story. At the time when I wrote Shitted I thought it fit better with the story. (as a frequent Scrabble player, I used to use the word shat on occasion before they removed shit and all its different forms from the official scrabble dictionary)

I don't think it was a tel aviv thing per se, I think that it was more of an irresponsible parent thing.

And if you think reading the story was gross, imagine being there.

August 31, 2006 6:17 PM  
Anonymous m in mke said...

Actually, I am kind of surprised with Veev. Why didn't she go over there and help this poor soul out? Or maybe she was busy helping out the poor soul named Air? What a way to end an interview. Wait - this all occurred after the interview, right? because if it occurred before, I don't know that I would want to be working anywhere near there.

August 31, 2006 9:40 PM  
Blogger Still Wonderin' said...

"And if you think reading the story was gross, imagine being there."

I imagine that if I were there, I would've run outside, jumped into the first cab I saw and ordered the driver to race me to Ben Gurion, at which time, I would be seen running after taxiing jets begging to be let on board and taken away from a country where little boys are left to shit on the floor at malls and where conscientious employees scamper to clean up the mess, but see no reason not to dispose of the mess in the middle of a crowded food court.

But,hey, that's just me.

August 31, 2006 9:54 PM  
Blogger FFJerry said...

WOW...So the kid shat and sat and watch!!! Great...but did you get the job???

August 31, 2006 10:18 PM  
Blogger Air Time said...

SW - You couldn't just run away, It was like watching a train wreck. You cringe and say oh my god i can't believe it is happening again, but you can't look away.

And for the record, it was not in the middle of one of the official food courts, (filled with kosher restaurants, you might not want to run quite so fast to your taxiing plane) but was in the eating section of the play area.

M in MKE - There was nothing Veev could do about it. We were standing a bit away, and even if we were right next to the kid, there was nothing that we could do about it. We don't carry around wipes, we weren't going to clean up after the kid, and we didn't have anything we could change him into.

There was nothing that could be done.

FF - They are supposed to call me on Sunday about the job.

September 01, 2006 4:15 AM  
Blogger RR said...

OMG...that's beyond gross. I thought I'd seen everything having to do with kids using the world as their bathroom in this country, but that takes the cake. OMG.

September 03, 2006 7:11 AM  
Blogger PsychoToddler said...

I can see why Jameel didn't want you to post it. I guess terrorism comes in many forms.

Honestly, I would have been much happier today had I not read this.

September 03, 2006 1:40 PM  
Blogger swiftthinker said...

do they have pooper scoopers in israel?

September 05, 2006 1:01 PM  
Anonymous Brewski said...

I hope you leraned your lesson about public places...imagine how they clean the tables at the chinese joint that veev went to...

have you at least taken the kids to massov?

September 07, 2006 1:47 PM  
Blogger AMSHINOVER said...

1 holy she'at
2 and this coming from people who piss in hotel sinks

September 08, 2006 3:46 PM  

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