"I Have Never Seen Anything Like This in my Life!"

We have spent the past few days babysitting my niece who is one and a half. After the first 36 hours, she realized her Mom wasn't coming back so soon and attached herself firmly to me. Every time I walked out of the room, or put on my hair-covering, or put the car into park, she had a mini-meltdown. (I say "mini" because I have witnessed the real deal, too.)

So, bedtime. With her own parents, in her own Dalet Amot, she doesn't sleep well, needing a parent to stay until she falls asleep, and still waking in the middle of the night. Here, where she didn't know the place, she really freaked out at bedtime. I did what I used to do with my 1 1/2 year olds. I held her and sang Shema and Hamalach, read her a book, put her on the pillow and kissed her forehead. Then I left the room and put the gate up. Uh Uh. Nope. She screamed and slid out of the bed. Ran over to the gate.

OK, try something else. I put her back on her pillow and sat on the floor. Nope. She screamed, slid out bed and into my arms.

One more time, I put her on her pillow and sat down on her bed. "Lie down on your pillow." Nope. Into my arms again. Held on for dear life. To my ponytail.

She fell asleep like that and I laid her on her pillow. I put up the gate and went downstairs. whew, I thought. Within seconds she woke up and ran to the gate. And nearly pushed it down.

So I brought her downstairs where she fell asleep watching Gilmore Girls.

The following nights we went straight to Gilmore Girls.

Middle of the night. I went to her the first night and did the same routine of staying with her and holding her till she fell asleep. But she woke up again every time right away. After 45 minutes it was Air's turn. Says me. He held her, she fell asleep in 2 minutes, and he put her in her bed where she slept until 8 AM. Guess who was crowned "Back to Sleep King"? Yes, Air was now in charge of putting our borrowed princess back to sleep for the duration of her visit.

Fast forward to Night Four. In the wee hours of this morning, we heard crying again. I woke up Air and he reluctantly sat up and rubbed his eyes. He looked around the room, confused. I started to hear N, who is almost 6 and was sharing her room with our niece, saying, "A, please be quiet. Please go back to sleep." I was surprised she didn't think to call us. Meanwhile Air is out of bed, and for the next agonizing and slow 4 minutes, he put on various clothes after searching for them, went to the bathroom. Looked around again. All the while she's still crying, N is still whining, and I am sitting there just shaking my head. Then Air took a long guzzle of water. "That it. This is just too much. GO GET HER. She's going to wake up the whole house!" Eventually he got her, and put her back to sleep.

I just couldn't believe how long it took him.

Here's what I did every morning: A cried, I got her, brought her downstairs and for the next two hours, held her, fed her, changed her, whatever. I did not go to the bathroom. I did not brush my teeth. I only got a shower if my 6 year old was in my room with her, with the door closed. Air's little "play" was spectacular, mind-boggling, and very "guy." I just couldn't believe he took a drink of water. Too much.

Song of the Day

Ooh we ooh
Ooh wee ooh
In the beginning
God made the land
Then He made the water and creatures, then He made man

He was born with a passion, love and hate
A restless spirit with a need for a mate
But there was somethin' that was missin', somethin' lost
So he came with the answer, here's what it cost

One part love, one part wild
One part lady, one part child
I give you

Women! women! - Lots of pretty women
Men! men! - They can't live without them
Women! women! - Lots of pretty women
Men! men! - They can't live without them

And in the garden, lust began
The animal instinct, the wanton man
She fed him with a hunger, an appetite
And fillin' with emotion he took a bite

It was one part love, one part child
One part lover, one part wild
I give you

[Repeat Chorus]

Skin on skin
Let the love begin
Women!

[guitar solo]

It was one part love, one part wild
One part lover, one part child
A whole lotta fire, a little bit of ice
A whole lotta somethin' you can't sacrifice
I give you

Hair, eyes, skin on skin
Legs - Legs
Thighs - Thighs

What's that spell?
(Spell? what's that spell?)
(What's that spell?)
What's that spell?
(What's that spell?)
(Women, women)
Oh! oh! oh!
Oh! oh! oh!

Women - Women
Women
Callin' every girl
Women women
All around the world
Women - Women!
Women
Oh, we can't live without them
Women women

Seriously...

Don't you mean you were lucky enough to catch the game?

Seriously....

I came all the way to Israel, made the biggest move of our lives, and I'm still stuck watching a Detroit hockey game on TV.

Jeez.

A Thousand Words...

Happy Israel Day!

Birds in Heaven

Spaghetti died today. Spaghetti was a love bird, and followed her lover into the ground three months after her former lover left this earth. Or really the cage. Since Meatballs is in the earth. And, if the Lion King is to be believed, he is now part of the earth.

In the hours before Spaghetti's death, she laid a single egg. The egg was cracked, and poorly formed. Since Meatballs was dead and we had not frozen any of his bird sperm to impregnate Spaghetti with at a later date, it was a surprise to see the egg. At first I claimed to be the father, but have now denied having a sexual relationship with Spaghetti.

At Meatballs' funeral, which I officiated, I spoke of the love between Meatball and Spaghetti, and how sad the remaining one would be. I joked about how we were sad to bury Spaghetti or Meatballs, not knowing which one was which. The remark generated a ripple of laughter amongst my children, and when I went to speak today shortly before we put dirt over Spaghetti's box, I was asked not to make any jokes.

So I tried not to. Even though the bird was dead.

I did keep referring to Spaghetti as He, when clearly Meatballs was the He in the relationship, and with the arrival of today's egg, it was confirmed that Spaghetti was in fact the surviving bird.

We considered freezing the cracked egg. Who knows, one day, when Cryogenics moves into a more developed stage, Spaghetti's spawn could rejoin us, but since the egg was misshapen and cracked as it was, we did not want to risk freezing a bird and then thawing it out and hatching it and finding out that it was physically or mentally damaged.

So now are birds are flying in heaven. Making noise. And loving death without a cage.

How Much Do I Love Israeli Media?

"Iran Rattled by Earthquake

(IsraelNN.com) The Islamic Republic received a mild warning from Above Thursday morning in the form of an earthquake measuring 4.7 on the Richter scale. Some 100 Iranians were injured in the quake, which hit the region of Boroujerd, an area approximately 200 miles southwest of Tehran, according to state television."

Priceless...

Sushi Pajamas

So I get this email this morning containing a story about a grandparent with Alzheimers and about them getting into pajamas. Anyway, it was not an especially funny story, especially if they are your grandparents, and even though it is not my grandparents, I'm not going to get into the specifics or details of the email.

I have really digressed, and I haven't even started yet.

So I read the email, which came to my google address. Google as you gmail users know, includes "relevant" advertising in the pages. Essentially they word scan your email, pick up key words, and then try to put advertising that is relevant to the email.

So I'm looking at the text ads on the right of my screen, which are for Buying Grandma a Gift and some kid's Pajama shop. And I am thinking that it is really not appropriate to put advertising for pajamas in an email that has a pajama story about a grandparent who according to everyone around needs to be put away for her own good.

And then I see an ad on the top of the screen for Sushi Pajamas.

Now, it still isn't all that appropriate, but I am curious what Sushi pajamas are, so i click on the link, which takes me to comfygirl.com. The pajamas look like regular pajamas, kind of reminding me of Joe Boxer pajamas that I used to create ads for when i worked in Kmart's ad agency. Bright colors, different styles, you know what Joe Boxer is so I don't have to tell you.

So I search for Sushi, and have three choices. Sushi pajamas, a sushi drawstring top and pants set, and a sushi capri set. And I click on the Sushi pajamas and think to myself, eh, this whole journey to see these pajamas was not worth the effort.

And at $84, I don't think they are worth the price.