Thursday, September 15, 2005

Humper Humper

On the way home from school yesterday my son told a dirty joke that he heard at school. He did say that there was S-E-X in the joke, and I wondered if I should tell him it wasn't appropriate, or listen to find out what he was learning at school.

A boy named Humper, he began, and I had a feeling I knew where this one was going. And a girl, he continued, were talking, and Humper asked the girl if she would kiss him. No, she said. Will you do it for a cookie, Humper asked, my son, using a crazy voice to ask the question, clearly imitating the original joke teller. Yes, she say.

Later, they are at the pool, and Humper asks the girl if she wants to take of all her clothes and go swimming with him. No she says. Will you do it for a cookie, Humper asks, again my son laughing as he says this line in the same crazy voice. Yes, she says.

Humper takes it to the next level. Do you want to go into the van and sex, he asks, my son clearly not having a strong level of sexual diction. No, she answers. In the same silly voice, he says, Will you do it for a cookie. Yes she answers. He is laughing now. He loves the cookie line, told in the special voice.

He is very vague on the last line of the joke, probably because he doesn't understand it, when his mother is yelling Humper Humper.

As I am writing this, I wonder what kind of jokes we told in fourth grade. I clearly remember the racist jokes that peppered eighth and ninth grade, The space shuttle jokes from seventh grade, and I am speculating more than remembering, that in fourth grade we probably heard and told a lot of polack jokes. Probably equally racist to the jokes we leanred in eighth and ninth grade, but different, too, because even though they poked fun at an entire country's people, they weren't mean-spirited, and we didn't see too many polish people walking the street. You could have substituted any nationality for polack and gotten the same laugh, which wasn't the case with the black jokes from late elementary and early high school.

When he finished the joke I told him I thought it was inappropriate, and I didn't want to hear him repeating it. I might have different concerns if he didn't know what sex was, but Veev gave him the talk two or three years ago, so he isn't learning new things out there.

As a parent, you want to shelter and protect your kids, and my first thought was to forbid him from telling dirty jokes. But even more important than sheltering and protecting them from information, you want your kids to learn how to handle things that they learn and hear. I can't control who his friends are or who he talks to or a good many things in his life. But I can try to teach him how to process the things he hears. There are going to be many things he learns that will make me cringe and feel uncomfortable.

I know the day will come when he does an innocent search on the Internet in a place that doesn't have the same protections we have at our house, and everything we try to hide from him will be right there on the screen in front of him. My challenge, as his parent, is to teach him when that pops up on screen, or in the school yard, or anywhere else that he happens to be, how he needs to behave.


Blogger weltate said...

i clearly remember the "humper, humper" jokes of the forth grade. i also remember knowing that i didn't realy understant most of them, but g-d forbid i would ever have admitted that to any of the other kids, whom i some how believed got the joke.

September 15, 2005 10:10 AM  
Anonymous Keglavithcher Rav said...

You don't have a chance. He has your genes.

September 15, 2005 11:01 AM  
Blogger Krunk said...

I remember "humper humper"..and I also remember one in the same vein that was worse."Johnnyf***faster"...nasty stuff out there.

September 15, 2005 11:20 AM  
Anonymous Heidi said...

My fourth grade jokes I think were something like why was 6 afraid of 7? cause 7,8,9. And this was public school. I definitely dont remember anything in the humper genre until 6th or 7th grade.

September 15, 2005 11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

krunk, I believe it was deeper, not faster

September 15, 2005 12:30 PM  
Blogger Just Shu said...

I believe when I was in 4th grade, probably 2nd or 3rd, swearing was huge. My friends and I would have a swearing dictionary, and see who knew the most words, somehow I dominated this game.

September 15, 2005 2:20 PM  
Blogger AMSHINOVER said...

sad news if you and veev dont hurry you will be moving to palastine

September 15, 2005 5:42 PM  
Blogger Krunk said...

Anon,don't EVER analyze my dirty jokes.

September 15, 2005 8:48 PM  
Blogger Krunk said...

Anon,don't EVER analyze my dirty jokes.

September 15, 2005 8:48 PM  
Blogger weltate said...

krunk, it was "faster"

September 15, 2005 10:43 PM  
Blogger Krunk said...

I know...thanks weltate

September 16, 2005 1:21 AM  
Blogger AMSHINOVER said...

When you're swimmin' in the pool
and you leave a trail of stool

When you're buttoning your shirt
and you feel a squishy squirt

When you're walking home from school
and your anus starts to drool

You'll be runnin' for the door
when you feel your sphincter roar

When you're sittin' in your classes
and your asshole sprays molasses

When you can't go out to lunch
'cause your shorts are filled with chunks

And you know there's no excuse
when your nether eye lets loose

You will never have a chum
if you spraypaint with your bum

For some paper you'll be wishin'
when you feel you're cheeks a squishin'

You'll be screaming out "OY VEY!!"
when you fill your pants with spray

When there's a grumblin' in your belly
best expect some anal jelly

You'll be at a loss for words
when your pants are filled with curds

People 'round you start to wheeze
when they whiff that anal cheese

When you go to take a poop
but you spray out anus soup

When you go to cut a fart
but your ass spews out a dart

When you blow the anal horn
and it splatters out the corn

When your shorts are filled with raunch
there's a flow you gotta staunch

You could fart just like a moose
'til your bowels got wet and loose

September 16, 2005 1:44 PM  
Blogger Air Time said...

Amshi -

That was priceless. I don't think I ever heard half of those verses.

September 16, 2005 1:55 PM  
Blogger Krunk said...

Amshi,you made up most of those verses right?Cuz that was pretty good.

September 16, 2005 2:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

why is he in a school where he can feel comfortable telling his paternal figure these jokes?

and whats wrong with a van?

September 18, 2005 7:44 AM  
Blogger Veev said...

Hi, I'm back. He feels comforatble telling his Dad these jokes because he trusts his parents.

September 19, 2005 9:32 AM  
Blogger Air Time said...

Anon -

Would you prefer not having any idea what your kid hears in school? Or would you prefer having your child feel comfortable telling you what he hears in school.

Because it doesn't matter what school he goes to, there are dirty jokes and things you would prefer to hide away from him that he will learn on the playground.

September 19, 2005 9:53 AM  
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