Does it matter
The temperature began to warm up on Friday, and as we pulled into the driveway Veev and I noticed that our daughter;s snowgirl had half-melted, and then fell over. I distracted my youngest, so she wouldn't see the tragedy that had befallen her snowgirl. It wasn't until twenty minutes later, while i was talking on the phone, that I heard the glass-shattering shreik. What's wrong, I called out, and listened to her scream that her snowman had fallen over.
At which point, I tuned her out and went back to my phone conversation. There was no blood, she was not in any danger, and she had learned about loss from a three-foot tall snowgirl.
So she screamed and screamed until Veev came over to her, at which point, she continued to scream.
Why didn't you get off the phone when you heard her cry, Veev asked me, after the screaming had subsuded and been replaced by sobs.
What for, I answered. It was only about a snowgirl.
But is was something real to her, came the voice from the bottom of the stairs.
There is no sense in arguing about this. Just two opinions onwhat to do when snow melts.
At which point, I tuned her out and went back to my phone conversation. There was no blood, she was not in any danger, and she had learned about loss from a three-foot tall snowgirl.
So she screamed and screamed until Veev came over to her, at which point, she continued to scream.
Why didn't you get off the phone when you heard her cry, Veev asked me, after the screaming had subsuded and been replaced by sobs.
What for, I answered. It was only about a snowgirl.
But is was something real to her, came the voice from the bottom of the stairs.
There is no sense in arguing about this. Just two opinions onwhat to do when snow melts.
posted by Air Time at 9:33 PM
8 Comments:
nonissue.
Air forgot to mention that, after the snow-girl-melting-episode, our daughter would suddenly start screaming again for fear that other things would melt. In fact on Shabbos afternoon she looked outside and noticed the car was missing from the driveway and she started to panic. She thought it had melted. It took a lot of convincing her that Daddy drove it to Shul and it was safe in the parking lot!
have you considered counseling?
Issues that can shake a child's soul can seem trivial to adults.
Even if an adult's opinion differs from a child's, the child could probably benefit from being comforted.
What would have been so wrong in taking a moment to explain what happens to snowpeople when the weather warms, sharing a memory of the fun experiences in creating the snowgirl and admiring her while she was there, coming up together on an idea of what to do now (continue to let her melt or to do something with the remains), and simply acknowledging her sadness and shock.
I do not doubt the authenticity of my daughter's pain. It was real, as real as any emotion she has ever felt.
But it was just for a snowgirl.
So I chose to let her experience the sense of loss as I talked on the phone. Maybe it gave her some long term perspective.
Note the connection of death to the "melting" of the wicked witch of the west in The Wizard of Oz.
We get snow so rarely, our kids don't get freaked out over melting snowpeople.
But...when Amshinover visted 2 weeks ago, my 3 year old thought there was a monster in the house when he heard the snoring...(boy did my kid jump)
Best regards from NY!
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