Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Air Time 64

Before there was Air Time the blog, there was Air Time, the weekly email i sent out to friends and family members and their friends and people who asked me to send it to them. I don't know why,m but Veev came across this one from October 29, 1999. The only thing that I changed here was changing the name of my oldest son from his real name to My Oldest, and the name of the company that I worked for.


Rats of the suburbs, big white dude, and make my own marinade, plus chicken soup, football action, The Job suck up, Jim Gray, and more, in this weeks edition of Air Time…Stick Around

My Oldest's bed time has become a real pain in the butt. He always used to do whatever I told him to, but now he is finding more and more creative ways to legitimately get out of bed. The trouble is, once he finds a way that works, he keeps using it until we say no, which then turns into a long crying marathon, and thats not good for anybody.

Since we put our foot down with the I have to make a stinky (three year old speak for I have to take a dump) His latest is the I'm Starving technique. How can you make a little kid stay in bed and go to sleep when he says hes starving. So the first time we brought him down and gave him pizza. The next few times we tried to pacify him with a drink, but this week it has been all out war.

I think we will defeat him by the beginning of next week, and then we will have to see what he comes up with next.

Shabbos afternoon I had the pleasure of walking into my house and finding a squirrel in the living room. I dont know who was more scared, but I ran out of the house carrying my shoes and a jacket. Fortunately, no one else was home, but I did have to extricate the squirrel from my house before shabbos ended and Aviva and the boys got

Not having anywhere else to go, and not sure what to do, I went to Gabi's house. After hearing how my house had been violated, he grabbed a broom, and headed over to my house. I knew where the squirrel was when I left, but now, who knew where it might have gone. And those things can climb up walls, and attack people.

Our first plan was to open up the sliding door in the back, and get the squirrel out of his hiding place. We figured once he saw the open door, he would take off for the 40 degree weather outside. That plan came to crashing halt when I opened the glass door and saw a skunk right next to our patio.

For those of you wondering, we have a lot of wild animals in our neighborhood.

Since the skunk was in the back, we opened up the front door. The plan was to scare the squirrel out of the living room, and let him run down the hall. Seeing freedom, we were confident he would take his chances outside.

The plan worked perfectly, until the squirrel ran past the door, climbed up the stairs and disappeared into one of the rooms upstairs. Of course, all four doors were open. We checked through My Oldest's room, the guest room, the bathroom and my room without any luck. Had the squirrel escaped? We decided to sweep the upstairs one last time. Closing all doors but that of the room we were in, we finally found the little bastard hiding under My Oldest's bed. This time, we were certain, if it
ran down the stairs it would go straight out the door.

He bolted from the room, and headed down the stairs.

Then he turned right, and went back under the couch. By now it was 7:10, and shabbos would be over soon. We needed to get rid of that squirrel before Veev and the kids came home. We built a wall, using chairs and a fence, to keep the squirrel from making a break up the stairs again. The fence was at an angle with the door, so that the squirrel would have no choice but to battle to lunatics with brooms, or go outside.

The squirrel was hiding when we went back into the living room, and it took a while to flush him out. When we finally did, he saw the glass sliding door. He made a break for it, and smashed his head against the glass.

He ran back into hiding, but this time we were on his tail. He took off, and ran for the stairs. His escape blocked, he looked back at us with the brooms, and the open door. Then he walked out.

The squirrel is out of our house, but questions remained. First, how did he get in, and second, did he bring any friends. The damage was limited inside. Squirrel droppings, and a cracker that he ate all around the living room. It seemed he had not been in the house for long when I walked in on him. After making numerous searches around the house, looking for a point of entry, I found a hole, burrowed underneath the cement patio. We still don't know where the hole leads to, but we
think we found a point in the basement where the squirrel could have gained access to our home.

If you need to contact Avi Smiths grill, it can be reached at

Tired of the boring Marinades available in supermarkets, I decided to make my own. I took a honey mustard base, and added wine and oil to it. Then I let it simmer for an hour and half, adding in spices to give it extra flavor.

After it was ready, I put chicken in it overnight. I considered slapping it on the BBQ, but time considerations forced me to use the oven.

The chicken tasted delicious. It had the sweet flavor of the honey, and you could taste a subtle wine flavor in the background. The mustard and the pepper I added gave it quite a kick. I can only imagine how much better it would have been had it been cooked properly in the backyard.

We did get a 20 pound bag of charcoal, so we should be ok for the next few weeks.
My job is working out ok. But my boss is such a suck up to her boss. This guy is the head of the entire media communications division, and reports to the CEO, so he is worth sucking up to, I guess. Anyway, he comes over to me, and we are talking about an article I am writing on depression, and he mentions something, and it happened to be in something I had just read, and he said, why dont you include that in the article.

Ok. I don't mind putting it in, except it doesnt fit anywhere. But my boss was standing there at the time, and the first thing she does when I hand it in to be proofread was write an extra paragraph at the end on the mythological connection between suicide and the holidays. She changed the whole direction of the article, and then the rest of it had to be reworded so that the language would be consistent…in short, what a pain in the ass.

After a few months of leaving me alone, the Mad Burper is back. Usually he sits somewhere else in shul, but the last week or two he started sitting near me again, filling the air with burps, and coming over to talk. For some reason he likes talking to me and Mark, who sits next to me. I think it is because we dont shoo him away when he walks over.

The second radio spot aired this week for Prime Auto Leasing.

Dude 1: Dude, I need a new car. Whered you get yours?

Dude 2: I know the perfect place.

Dude 1: Not one of those dealerships, dude. Every time I walk in to one I just get ready to bend over and take it up the a….

Dude 2: No, not a dealership, man. Prime Auto Leasing. Its the newest way to get a car.

Dude 1: What do you mean, dude?

Dude 2: Its Simple. You tell them what you want, and how much you want to spend. Then they find what youre looking for. They can even arrange to deliver it to your house. Its awesome.

Dude 1: So what kind of cars do they lease? Ford, G.M., Chrysler…

Dude 2: All of them!

Dude 1: All of them?

Dude 2: You heard me right. All of them!

Dude 1: Prime Auto Leasing?

Dude 2: Yup. Prime Auto Leasing.

Dude 1: How to I find them.

Dude 2: Give them a call. They love doing business over the phone.

Dude 1: Whats the number

Dude 2: Its 248 552-7372.

Dude 1: Dude, Dude. Slow down. Can you repeat that for me.

Dude 2: thats 2-4-85-5-2-7-3-7-2. So are you going to call over their?

Dude 1: Freaken A. Im calling Prime Auto Leasing Today.

The editors had a good time with this one, though, and they modified it slightly. I still havent heard either one on the radio, but I keep listening to 97.1 to catch it.

Sunday morning football wasnt as glorious as last week, when I picked off a pass, had a sack, and scored a TD, but I did knock down two passes at the line of scrimmage, and make a few key receptions. We ended up winning, and our QB is starting to trust me to catch the ball.

For those of you looking for a micha update, hes still holding at 101.

The other thing that is weird about blue cross is everyone sends their email using these ridiculously colored fonts.

After carefully observing everything that goes on, I can safely say that the pipes in our apartment are too thin. Everything is slow. The drain in the sink in the kitchen, in the bathroom, and in the shower. Its not just our place, I have noticed a slow drain in the other townhouses.

Veev has hated Jim Gray for years. Every time he interviews someone she gets mad at him. So it should come as no surprise that she is upset at the Pete Rose incident. My Rabbi wasnt too happy with him either, calling him a fag during our Wednesday night shuir. But I am on the side of the journalist on this one. Gray had a responsibility to the viewers to go after Rose, and I am glad he did.

While were on baseball, regardless of the Yankees sweep of the Braves, I still consider the Braves to be the team of the 90s. The Yankees did win three titles, and the strike may have cost them a fourth, but 90s belonged to the Braves. With their eight division titles, they owned the NL.

And now, a serving of Chicken Soup for the Beis Yaakov Girls Soul…

Best of Friends…

Her name was Chana Klein, and even though we havent talked or seen each other in 16 years, I still feel as close to her as I did when we first met, at a Beis Yaakov Convention.

There were eight of staying in two rooms, at the 1983 Baltimore Bais Yaakov convention. I dont think I will ever forget that magical weekend. Our host only had 5 beds, so most of us were doubling up anyway. It all started out so innocently enough. Everyone was painting each others nails, and brushing each others hair. We were all wearing night gowns, and having a blast.

One of the girls, I think her name was Miriam, had brought her mothers \Cosmopolitan Magazine, and we all sat in a circle, taking the relationship Quiz. Of course, none of us admitted to being in a relationship before, but when Devorah brought out a small flask of Vodka, we started to loosen up.

After Chana had a few drinks, she confessed that she once went out with a boy, and actually kissed him on the lips. We were relentless, asking her for all the details, like where his hands were, how it felt, and who made the first move. She tried to answer our questions, but then thought it would be easier to show us. I was sitting next to her, and she volunteered me to demonstrate with her.

She moved her lips close to mine, and soon she started kissing me. After a minute, though, I realized that she wasnt demonstrating anymore. She was really kissing me. Soon, every one in the room was making out with one another. We kept on thinking, this is only for pretend, but we knew we were really kissing other girls.

Each night during the convention, when we all got back to our hosts, we sat there in our night gowns, kissing each other. I had never felt close to anyone, they way I felt with her. The convention was truly the absolute best ever.

Even though I haven't seen Chana since those wild times in Baltimore, I think of her often.

Zehava Stein

Get this. Some cop pulls me over this week for driving with expired tags. What is that all about. I wasnt speeding, and my plates were less then a week overdue. Its still October. The only possible explanation I have for this is I was being pulled over as part of a reverse racial profiling kind of exercise.

Anyway, then I had to go to secretary of state to get new tags, and switch my license to my new address while I was at it.

Some people meet ball players all the time. I ran into Tommy Hearns a few months ago at a Drug Store, but I didnt know it was him until someone pointed him out to me. Besides, I am not much of a boxing fan anyway. But this morning, I go to Secretary of State, to get my tags, and right in front of me is Bill Laimbeer. It was funny. There are all these people lined up against the wall, and then this huge guy, and then a bunch of regular people again.

He was on the phone most of the time, and I didnt want to bother him, but as I was leaving, he was sitting in a seat on the edge of the row, so I went over to him, asked him if he was bill Laimbeer, just to be sure, and thanked him for all those great years with the Pistons. He shook my hand, he has a huge hand, but I think he was upset that I mentioned who he was, because after that a bunch of people behind
started to talk to him.

The funny thing was, I had just seen him the night before on ESPN Classic, in game six against the Lakers in the 88 finals, and I was complaining about a bad call against Laimbeer on Kareem that cost the Pistons the title that year.

This week in Celebrity Death Triangle, we have golfer Payne Stewart, Senator John Chafee, and singer/actor Hoyt Axton. The only connectionwe can make so far is Air. Payne Stewart died in an Airplane crash, Chafee was highly involved in the Clean Air Act of 1990, and Axton has a lyric that reads "I want to be a flyer, a rainbow rider, a straight shooting son of a gun" in the song Joy to the World, which has ties to

Ok, so the death triangle is tenuous.

Well, its 75 degrees and sunny, the Pistons are playing great preseason basketball, and you've been reading Air Time…Have a good shabbos


Anonymous EmahS said...

Love your analogy of "holding your shoes and carrying your jacket"...I totally got that! :)

Your squirrel invasion reminds me of our Iguana invasion once....and most recently, we had 2 bird invasions! There are no screens in this house. A few weeks ago, a bird flew in the kitchen and got stuck, and just this week one flew in through the guest room, banged into the stairs, and out the living room mirpeset! With that one, only my 5 year old saw it! wild....

Hey, have a Shana Tova!!!

September 20, 2006 2:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My how life changes. You're in Israel with your gaggle of kids, I'm in New York - married with a kid. Micha moved past 101 and found Leslie. And somewhere... the mad burper is burping in someone else's ear on shabbos morning.

To quote Billy Joel, "I've loved these days."

Thanks for posting that and bringing back a flood of memories.

Mark C. in NYC

September 20, 2006 9:40 PM  
Blogger Still Wonderin' said...

Thanks for the bais yaakov soft porn. Just what everyone needs before Rosh Hashanah!

September 20, 2006 11:48 PM  

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