Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The visit

With all the hockey stuff swiriling around, there is only one yeshiva story I can write today.

We are in Toronto, Grade 11. Maybe grade 12. I don't remember anymore. There is a lot of whispering during Night Seder. Tonight, the boys from our grade at Ohr Chaim, are coming up to Ner for a hockey game that is all about bragging rights in shul for the local Torontonians.

The game is unofficial, of course. If the rabbis knew about it, they would lock us in the Rosh Yeshiva's office until those traif Ohr Chaim boys left. They are, after all, the other school. They do not have any respect for Torah, learning, or Judaism. How could they? They are allowed to hang out with girls, which to our understanding is two steps worse than eating traif on Yom Kippur.

Somehow they sneak into the building. Night Seder and Maariv finally end, and we leave the Beis Medrash to change and play.

Within minutes we are in the gym, hockey sticks in our hands, ready to play. Ready to play Jewish boys who are just like us, who in a few years will become part of the community that we live in, or at least the community that the canadians live in. The game starts, and we are crushing them. Even with two Americans on our team, we are too much for Team Ohr Chaim.

The game is fun, there is not a single halacha being broken, except for having those tamei Ohr Chaim students in our school. Somehow, word of our game gets out, and reaches the upper echelons of the Hanhala.

There will be one night in my two years at Ner where the Rosh Yeshiva and Mashgiach are seen in the gym.

This is that night. It takes the top level of administration in yeshiva to purify our souls, to save us from whatever might happen when sweat is exchanged in the corner between members of these two schools.

The Rosh Yeshiva, the Menahel and the Mashgiach descend on the gym. They are wearing their shocked faces, faces that ask how in the name of all that is right in yeshiva could someone let these guys into the yeshiva gym. You can sense the mashgiach planning on sprinkling the entire gym with ashes from the Para Aduma, as he wonders how long the gym will have to be fumigated for before things can erturn to normal.

The Rosh Yeshiva is deep in thought as well. If someone brought pork into the kitchen, they would go through the entire kitchen with a blow torch. But what to do with a gym and students. Can you put them to a blow torch as well? Will that Kasher them?

The Menahel is trying to remember which lecture he is supposed to give in this situation. Fortunately, he remembers the insurance policy.

The Ohr Chaim guys are told to leave the gym, and never come back. We are told that the Yeshiva's insurance policy doesn't cover those people.

29 Comments:

Blogger and so it shall be... said...

A.S.S.H.O.L.E.S.

(they always trot out that insurance b*llsh*t when they can't think of a tactful way to say, "I'm better than you."

May 24, 2005 2:59 PM  
Blogger Air Time said...

I think that is page one of the rabbinical training institute. I can't remember how many times I heard it to keep some undesirable out.

May 24, 2005 3:10 PM  
Blogger Karl said...

Its the ruach roh they bring in with them that will turn all you thoughts of Torah into thoughts of wanting to play more sport, to which you will then eventually end up playing "for the other team".


First time here. Great blog

May 24, 2005 4:15 PM  
Blogger Veev said...

I was wondering when you were going to bring this one up. You have amazing willpower... After all these years, it still sickens me to hear this story. Never saw or heard it said so well, though!

May 24, 2005 5:08 PM  
Blogger Olah Chadasha said...

Which insurance policy would that be? Oh yeah, I remember the one. It's the Insurance policy they made with G-d, and I believe it didn't cover those Apikorases, right? You know, you just reminded me of a story that I'm going to write on my blog. Thanks air.
-OC

May 24, 2005 5:10 PM  
Blogger orthomom said...

Yeah, this is depressing.

May 24, 2005 5:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vat should they have aid?

Sandy will have our heads if this continues?

May 24, 2005 7:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

frankly, i don't see the problem here.

May 24, 2005 8:06 PM  
Blogger and so it shall be... said...

Just letting you know that as of Tuesday, May 24, at 9:24 p.m., for some reason, my blog is kaput.

It may come back, it may not. As of now, I don't know what happened.

In the meantime, I'm still reading. Worse comes to worse, I'll start over.

May 24, 2005 9:24 PM  
Blogger Air Time said...

Blogger is doing someting weird today. It also knocked out M4, and I am not getting comments delivered to my email this evening.

May 24, 2005 10:26 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

What happened to Orthomom?

May 24, 2005 10:29 PM  
Blogger Air Time said...

The same thing that happened to Still Wonderin, I guess. For a minute there I thought they ran off together.

May 24, 2005 10:32 PM  
Blogger orthomom said...

LOL!

May 24, 2005 10:39 PM  
Blogger orthomom said...

I am actually not laughing right now. Not having access to my blog must be what it's like not being able to get in touch with your dealer. I'm jonesing for a blog.

May 24, 2005 10:41 PM  
Blogger Air Time said...

I'd let you guest blog here, but your political discussions and discussion on NY life probably wouldn't go over with the typical Air Time demographic.

May 24, 2005 10:50 PM  
Blogger orthomom said...

Yeah, I've even been boring myself a bit lately. I'll try to perk things up if blogger ever gets me back up.

May 24, 2005 10:54 PM  
Blogger Air Time said...

maybe you can start fresh. You need a marketing consultant.

May 24, 2005 11:07 PM  
Blogger orthomom said...

Hey, I'm allowed to make fun of my blog! You weren't supposed to agree with me!

May 24, 2005 11:10 PM  
Blogger Air Time said...

uh oh. missing your favorite sarcasm tag

May 24, 2005 11:10 PM  
Blogger orthomom said...

Missing yours.

May 24, 2005 11:17 PM  
Blogger Air Time said...

Maybe tomorrow will be more blog friendly for you.

May 24, 2005 11:39 PM  
Blogger and so it shall be... said...

I'm back.......and you heard it here first. On Airtime.

May 25, 2005 7:08 AM  
Blogger Just Passing Through said...

I think I recently came across some pictures I took at the scene of the crime.

May 25, 2005 10:36 AM  
Blogger Air Time said...

I didn't know there were pictures from that night. ANything good?

May 25, 2005 11:12 AM  
Blogger Just Passing Through said...

Nothing exciting. Just guys standing around looking confused. But evidence nonetheless.

May 25, 2005 11:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was this the night that they were beaten 3 or 4 touchdowns?

May 26, 2005 8:53 AM  
Blogger Air Time said...

It was a savage beatdown.

Brewski - Do you know who sandy was in the comment above.

May 26, 2005 9:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chairman of the board...the one paid the bills

May 26, 2005 1:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very cool design! Useful information. Go on!
Mn department of children families and learning Mitsubishi franchise requirement uk Gemini sex foot torture.com Design interior office pediatric Kentucky ash bookcase decorate shelves ionamin

August 12, 2006 9:55 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home