Back to the Rabbi
We have a rabbi in our shul. He is probably better than some, certainly worse than others.
This past Shabbos, he spoke about women covering their hair. It seems that he has noticed a lot of women in our shul are no longer covering their hair, and he wanted to tell them that covering one's hair is just as important as keeping Shabbos and Kashrut. And I have no problem with his message.
But I question the forum.
Is anyone going to change their behavior because the rabbi made a ten minute speech one Shabbat morning in the middle of July? If this is an important issue in our community, and if he says it is I will take him at his word for it, there has to be a better way to get the message out to the people that need to hear it. Such as a class, with sources, and a give and take as to what it means to cover one's hair. Is it all of one's hair, some of one's hair, in one's home, or when one is getting the mail or newspaper?
And he has classes for women, so he has an appropriate forum.
He's using a blunt tool to pound his message in when what he needs is a more sensitive instrument to get his message across to the right people.
Which means this speech wasn't about affecting change; it was about sending a public message to the community. It was about saying we have had a nice run in Detroit, but now it is time to move on. It is about throwing a controversial issue out there, without the sources to back it up, and stirring the pot so that when he leaves before his contract is over, no one will try to hold him to it. Everyone will be able to say we each wanted to go in a different direction, and we are moving on.
Or he has no idea how to affect change in people, and thinks sending out a diluted cover your hair message will get people to say hey, I need to cover my hair now.
Either way, it may be time to bring the search committee out of retirement.
This past Shabbos, he spoke about women covering their hair. It seems that he has noticed a lot of women in our shul are no longer covering their hair, and he wanted to tell them that covering one's hair is just as important as keeping Shabbos and Kashrut. And I have no problem with his message.
But I question the forum.
Is anyone going to change their behavior because the rabbi made a ten minute speech one Shabbat morning in the middle of July? If this is an important issue in our community, and if he says it is I will take him at his word for it, there has to be a better way to get the message out to the people that need to hear it. Such as a class, with sources, and a give and take as to what it means to cover one's hair. Is it all of one's hair, some of one's hair, in one's home, or when one is getting the mail or newspaper?
And he has classes for women, so he has an appropriate forum.
He's using a blunt tool to pound his message in when what he needs is a more sensitive instrument to get his message across to the right people.
Which means this speech wasn't about affecting change; it was about sending a public message to the community. It was about saying we have had a nice run in Detroit, but now it is time to move on. It is about throwing a controversial issue out there, without the sources to back it up, and stirring the pot so that when he leaves before his contract is over, no one will try to hold him to it. Everyone will be able to say we each wanted to go in a different direction, and we are moving on.
Or he has no idea how to affect change in people, and thinks sending out a diluted cover your hair message will get people to say hey, I need to cover my hair now.
Either way, it may be time to bring the search committee out of retirement.
posted by Air Time at 12:12 AM
17 Comments:
yep, once again, and in the same vein, the man you voted for as rabbi displayed his jerkiness and arrogance. (some might call it 'insensitivity.')
at is correct yet again -- there is no reason to address this sensitive and volatile issue from the pulpit; how would it help anybody?
but at -- does hair covering = shabbos/kashrus? come on. if you were forced to make a choice, could you really go either way? and the rabbis mother in law doesnt cover her hair; is she equal to a mechallel shabbos?
and how about all those gedolims wives who didnt cover their hair, r feinsteins wife included -- are they also doing the equivalent of not eating kosher on a regular basis? the chutzpa of it all.
the founding women do not cover their hair, and these are people who had a hard time with orthodoxy way back when it was not so stylish or easy, and had to fight for what they have, and put their kishkes into the schul.
and of course, the most active female members of the schul today do not cover their hair. he has no problem benefitting from their efforts. then again, consistency was never the man you voted in as rabbis strong point.
and now, we come to the lesbian, once active in the schul but since alienated in large part by the man you voted in as rabbi. after writing/editing a book about hair covering, and how you have to do it, and how much her husband wants her to (like she really cares what he, or any other man, says), she flips her wig, and her skirt for good measure (dont worry, she puts on pants in their place). the way shes going, with the man you voted in as rabbis comments she may just leave the fold. this would not be the worst thing in the world, especially in light of what she pulled shortly before pesach, but pity the family.
way to go, man at voted in as rabbi. how many more people can you alienate?
if the man you voted in as rabbi wants to leave, let him approach the executive, tell them how he feels, and be above board. dont do it in a jerky way. either do your job for the duration of the contract, and leave everyone in tears, or see if you can get out now. if the man you voted in as rabbi takes his job seriously, he would not do this. and pulpit alienation certainly does not enhance his street cred with other jobs. unless he already has one lined up? but it is 2 years longer on the contract...
hey at -- if by some chance the man you voted in as rabbi does in fact move to israel, and moved to your neighborhood, would you daven in his schul, and take his kids to school?
Anon: I have only one point on your comment. You mention Rebbetzin Feinstein not covering her hair and I'd like to know your source for that.
Over the years, I have heard the urban myth of 'Godol so and so's wife' who didn't cover her hair- the name of the Godol varies. I find it hard to believe R' Feinstein's wife did not cover her hair. Other that hearsay, can you show a source to back this up?
hey jpt --
my great aunt was a buddy of hers and went swimming on coney island together in the 1930s. since both are dead, i cannot give you written proof of this. did you expect this?
but the exposed hair thing shouldnt be a big deal -- not too many women of that time and place did.
if you want to get 'juicy' type stuff on rmf & co. you have to go to an older east sider who is willing to talk.
Anon - I don't know why you keep bringing up the vote from four or five years ago when we hired him. He had just as much upside as the other candidate, especially as I did not vote to extend his contract.
That aside, does hair covering = shabbos. To me it doesn't, but I didn't make the speech saying that it did. The rabbi did.
I don't know why you have so much animosity towards the "lesbian." A) If she ever was a lesbian, which I doubt, she is non-practicing today.
B) Her book was not telling people to cover their hair, it was a collection of women talking about whether or not they do cover their hair, and why. Perhaps you are jealous because she has had far more published than you have.
And yes, he should be above board and move on rather than alienate himself from the shul and try to get fired.
And in answer to your last question, we are done with carpool, and should we both end up in the same neighborhood and he davened at my shul I wouldn't change shuls. He woudln't be the rabbi there.
Anon, I wasn't really looking for written proof. Just that certain names shouldn't be thrown in conjecture. I was just curious.
was she married in the 30's? besides, I know PLENTY of women who cover their hair as they sit by the mixed pool :-)
JPT, was that for me?
Anon, good to see you back in the game. Hope all is well out there with your family. We miss you!
Also, to all concerned, I'd like to reiterate that I didn't vote for this Rabbi, and I still believe my choice was the sounder one.
I agree with mirty. It's pointless to talk about the voting in or the extension. It happened. It's over. "If I could turn back tttime..." But, you can't.
He was wrong in what he did and where he did it. Is he doing it to make it easier to get out of his contract? Or, is he just that clueless of insensitive as to when and where it is appropriate to talk about these kinds of topics? Who knows. But, it doesn't reflect well on his abilities to be a well serving shul Rabbi. (which in essense, makes him a community Rabbi, which makes this that much worse) People in other towns or cities he might want to go to may or may not find out about this kind of behavior.
But, bottom line, as mirty said, it was just plain wrong.
-OC
JPT, you should try to get your hands on The Making of a Godol. Hair covering was apparently not that common in pre-war europe.
Air,
You've forced me to make my first contribution to your blog. We discussed the whole forum thing and I agree that education and positive reinforcement would be a better tool IN THIS CASE. You are not being completely fair to the Rabbi in that he seemed to come from a warm (rather than angry) place, and emphasized he was concerned with the growing numbers of women who no longer cover their hair, rather than those who never did.
That being said, I would have approached the Rabbi to let him know that while I agree with the content (that removing hair coverings is becoming somewhat of an epidemic in our community), it is his presentation that needs work.
Then I thought of the words of Abraham Maslow, who once simply put it, "If all you have is a hammer, you treat everyone (or thing?) like a nail."
I've since decided that I need to seek out a different spiritual mentor...
veev just cover your hair,and stop peeing in the sink already ,for gosh sake.
so veev was in favor of the man at voted in as rabbi.
now we may have a blog here.
anon didnt say that at felt shabbos = hair covering, he was merely reiterating this rabbi.
how would at know the sexual practices of the lesbian? now that would be worth knowing.
at, you need to read the book again, as painfully boring as that may be. the overall tone is one of strongly in favor of hair covering, and if i remember correctly, the lesbian wrote a piece at the end where she states outright that women should cover their hair.
you know, he may very well be a rabbi in your new dib locale. i dont know why you feel this is impossible.
I don't believe I said that the rabbi came from an angry place.
I don't disagree with his message.
I disagree with his forum for this issue.
As you may know, and since I am not sure who you are I don't know that for sure, approaching the rabbi to critique the way he goes about his job has a long history of failure. And I don't necessarily agree that removing one's hair covering is becoming epidemic; I claim ignorance on it, as I primarily encounter community members in shul, and there they are wearing some type of hair covering.
The rabbi has far more than just a hammer at his disposal. He does give a women's Parshah shuir, and tenuous as it was, he did tie hair covering into this week's parshah. He also gives weekly halachah shuirim, and my impression is that it is largely attended by women.
There are also newsletters that go out where he could promote a shuir specifically to his targetted audience, perhaps joining together with Ezrat Nashim at a Sunday morning brunch and learn. There was a hat sale that Ezrat Nashim put on recently. He could have spoken there as well. I'm sure the hat sellers would have appreciated it.
I am surprised that you would consider him a spiritual mentor in the first place.
My point in all of this is, by using the forum, is that it looks like he is getting ready to make a move.
I don't know the sexual practices of the "lesbian.' I do know that she is married with two kids.
And I have no interest in reading the book again. I read one chapter, I believe it was Chapter 3. It was written by Veev.
I skimmed through some other parts.
Oh, and nice picture Amshi.
Thanks, Dear. Chapter 2, I think.
I'd also like to add that the Rabbi was not only speaking to the women of the shul, rather to their hubands also. A women's Parshah Shiur would not have helped the "support your wives" platform on which the Rabbi stood.
His total statement to the men was "Men, you need to support your wives in this. If she needs a $1500 shaitel to cover her hair, you need to come up with the money for it."
He did also tell the men that if your wife has a shaitel headache, you should let her lie down and put the kids down.
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